LOCATION: Caphe House, 114 Bermondsey Street, SE1 3TX [map]
PRICE: £5
BREAD: White baguette
FILLING: Roast pork, ‘salty pork pate’, pickled carrot and daikon, cucumber slices, red chilli, coriander, WEIRD ASS GRAVY.
PROS: Double pork.
CONS: WEIRD ASS GRAVY. Weird ass chicken tasting gravy all over my banh mi special. Sounds like a euphemism that, doesn’t it? Well, it’s meant as such. Use your imagination.
In all my banh mi eating experience I have never encountered this type of sauce. Chilli sauce? Yes. Mayonnaise? Yes. Sweet, shiny (yes, shiny) goop that tastes vaguely of chicken but mostly of something I can’t identify but which I definitely don’t like? No. Every time I take a bite it stretches out into alarming quivering strings which dangle briefly before flinging themselves suicidally against my chin.
The texture meets its match in the taste which is unique in its power to be so absent and yet so totally overwhelming. I try scraping it out with no success; the stuff has oozed into every available space. Becoming increasingly enraged at its presence I eat half the sandwich, pack the other half up in a huff and head towards home with plans to modify it once I get there. I am determined to salvage some enjoyment from this experience.
I extract as much WEIRD ASS GRAVY as possible and slap in some mayo, thinking that I might be able to at least taste the rest of the filling and judge whether or not it could actually be good sans WAG. Sadly not. The pate is barely noticeable. The pickled carrot and daikon need a lot more pickling. There’s a good amount of chilli but it isn’t hot which is baffling. Sigh.
I’m sorry Caphe House, but your banh mi isn’t up to scratch and that’s coming from someone who really tried to like it. Lose the WAG and while you’re at it lose the sweet yet ultimately pointless side salad of iceberg, carrot, sweet chilli sauce and um, prawn crackers. Mmmm dusty crackers on my salad…
SCORE: 2/10 
Ass gravy sounds like it has the texture of JIZZ.
(Sorry.)
That’s beautiful mate. Just beautiful (yes it did)
How were the staff? Spunky?
They were just FULL of spunk Donald
I wrote a song about this sandwich. It’s set to the tune of “Prince Charming” by Adam Ant:
Bum gravy
Bum gravy
I don’t want no gravy in my banh mi
Don’t you ever
Don’t you ever
Give me gravy, showing me your ass sauce
That’s just the chorus but you get the gist.
HA HA HA *hyperventilates*
And for anyone who wants to sing along:
Where can I find the best banh mi? I’ve never had one which made me think “YES!”.
Im going to sound like a right tosser now but the best one I’ve had is one I made myself at home and really put the effort into. I’ve yet to find an amazing one either but funnily enough, I”ve heard City Caphe is very good! That’s CITY CAPHE, people, not CAPHE HOUSE (TEE HEE!)
Well, d’uh – of course home-made is best – but I’m LAZY
Oh, I’ve had the City Caphe one, and the Banh Mi 11 one, and while both good, they weren’t amazing. I’ve not tried Keu – that’s meant to be pretty awesome.
Btw, I had a look at the Caphe House website and randomly they have an exhibition of Burmese art on, so I might have to visit despite the ass gravy…
Keu are hugely over rated trust me. I went recently and was very disappointed.
Hi Mimi, Bahn Mi 11 were a little disappointing, I’m kind of with Helen in that the best ones I’ve ever had have been knocked up using left over pork belly or some such…
Oh. nasty. I had a not very good Banh Mi the other day at somewhere I used to like – Panda Panda in Deptford. The carrots were on the turn and it reeked of something hideous. Wish I had complained now. Did you complain about this one?
Well no complaining seemed wrong because there wasn’t anything off or absent or technically ‘wrong’, I just hated the sauce. I assume it’s actually supposed to be like that.
How very disappointing. I really like the banh mi from the place on Exmouth Market (the name has escaped me) – double pork, but hardly any pate unfortunately. But no WAG.
Cafe Viet on Denmark Hill is faultless – really.
Hi Sarah, I work right next to Viet Cafe and while it’s okay, I wouldn’t say it’s the greatest banh mi in the world. That said, lunch options are not exactly that plentiful in Camberwell so I’m a regular consumer of their chicken satay banh mi!
I’ve had that one too – didn’t taste like other banh mis I’ve had and naff baguette too. I’ve not used the word naff in ages, it was that naff. The one on Whitecross Street wins it for me. Incidentally I assume you’re aware of this? http://www.travelchannel.com/tv-shows/adam-richmans-best-sandwich-in-america/
I am and I’ve been loving it! Also, naff is an awesome word. I shall be re-using it instantly.