LOCATION: IKEA, Valley Park, Croydon, CR0 4UZ [map].
PRICE: 60p.
BREAD: White hot dog bun.
FILLING: Hot dog sausage, ketchup, sweet mustard.
PROS: These hot dogs cost 60p. You can’t buy them in the normal cafe bit of IKEA, only from a counter at the end. They represent salvation at the close of what is, generally, a traumatic experience. I once cried in IKEA.
There’s a bit of snap to the sausage; not a lot, but it’s there. It also boasts an amusing shape; particularly the pinched bit at the end which I couldn’t actually eat because well…use your imagination. The dog is plucked from its water bath and into your flat pack pumelled hands within seconds; then it’s time for you to navigate towards the Maccy D’s style DIY sauce area where you do some kick ass silly self-saucing. I’m still working on writing my name.
CONS: Okay so it’s definitely 100% mystery meat. It has that unmistakable honk. I’m down with that but you might not be. Think about it though…it costs 60p. It hits a spot, albeit the spot is small. I’d like onions but hey…did I mention that it costs 60p? IKEA is stressful and the meatballs are overrated so here’s what you need to do: when you get to the checkout, get someone to grab you a beer from the shop, down it (two if it’s a Saturday), breeze through the payment trauma slightly inebriated, then hoof down a hotdog or like, five. It doesn’t matter, they only cost 60p.
SCORE: 4/10
No trip to Ikea is complete without a hot dog at the checkout. In fact I think once I went and missed out the maze that is the IKEA experience and went straight in the exit doors and had a hot dog.
David Byrne has an interesting take on the whole IKEA experience.
http://journal.davidbyrne.com/2007/11/11032007-social.html
I always say that Ikea is Dante’s ninth circle of Hell. Great technique with the condiments! This obviously isn’t your first time manning the sauce pumps. I probably won’t partake of Ikea’s mystery meat hotdog anytime soon I’m afraid, because if I’m that close to actually escaping, I’m going to make a break for it and not look back.
cost isn’t everything, you know. Imagine what else you could buy in Ikea with that extra 60p. At least one back-scratcher and another storage container of some shape or form..
oooh I could do with a new back scratcher
I don’t know what’s worst with the IKEA Croydon experience. The store itself or the hellish journey there (particularly via bus). I always have the hotdog too. Also the meatballs and the Daim cake and endless coke. Just anything to avoid going into that shop
If in a hurry I grab the hotdog. If not I go to the restaurant. I like the endless refills of tea available if feeling skint.
Free refills! Excellent! I didn’t know that…
I like your till strategy. I usually bookend my IKEA visits with hotdogs.
Bookending is a good plan. Respect. The beer stays though.
I love how you write. My only problem is I do tend to read your posts with a smile on my face which really shows everyone else in the area that I’m actually not working. Damn you/like you x
Aww bless you. And thanks! Glad you enjoy them x
I’m a sucker for the food at Ikea. But I love the food shop. I love their ketchup and their mustard. And their crispy fried onions.
Things that would survive Armageddon. Cockroaches, Cher and Ikea Hotdogs.