Yorkshire Ham Salad, King’s College Hospital, Denmark Hill

31 Oct

LOCATION: King’s College Hospital, Denmark Hill, SE5 9RS [map]

PRICE: Er, £2.50 ish? (doesn’t matter, you won’t want to eat it).

BREAD: Malted wheat grain.

FILLING: Yorkshire ham, tomato, mixed leaves, parsley mayonnaise.

PROS: Quite cheap, innit.

CONS: Deep to the mother f***ing breath. Okay so I work very near to this canteen and sometimes, I find myself in a pickle when it comes to lunch. I find myself desperate. I find myself caving to the convenience of these pre-packaged horrors and you know what? I’ve had enough. It’s time to let rip on these muthas. 

Believe it or not, the ‘Yorkshire ham salad’ is one of the best; hell, I may subject you to the full spectrum of fillings in the future, just to get some closure. To be honest, it doesn’t really matter which sandwich I buy because somehow, via some kind of black magic, the makers of these sandwiches (‘Origin Foods’), manage to extract every single last bit of flavour from every ingredient they ever use. All the sandwiches taste of precisely nothing (note the hot sauce, salt and pepper); after that, it’s all down to texture and boy, do I have something to say about that…

The bread is soggy, because I’ve made the mistake of buying a pre-packaged sandwich which contains tomato. Everyone knows this is a mistake. The corners have turned to mush and need to be picked off and discarded; I’m not sure there’s anything more unpleasant IN THE WORLD. The ham, although not the worst I’ve ever encountered, is obviously cheap and watery. The tomato is in there, which makes it wrong wrong wrong. The mixed leaves look like something that got washed up at the side of The Thames. The mayo is starting to congeal at the edges, which brings me nicely to my next point…

The sandwiches are always, without question, within 1 day of being out of date. One could argue this means they’re keeping stock fresh but as we’ve seen, that’s clearly not the case. I’ve even seen one dated a day previously. This is a hospital.

GET WELL SOON, PEOPLE!

SCORE: 1/10

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35 Responses to “Yorkshire Ham Salad, King’s College Hospital, Denmark Hill”

  1. Catherine October 31, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    Thanks for the warning. I had a good experience with some ham bought from Sainsburys. They had an offer on their Taste the Difference range – 2 packs for £4. I bought some of their bakery rolls that had cheese on the top. The two together with a dollop of French’s mustard made for a very tasty roll. The cheese on the roll added a little something. Maybe you could start taking in your own sandwiches. I have also seen that Lidl have some similar cheese topped rolls in their bakery section and I believe the Co-op does too. The ones at Sainsburys are softer and smaller though.

    • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 1:30 pm #

      Thanks for the tip on taking in my own sandwiches 😉 Ha ha. Sorry. Yes these are the times I get caught off guard…

      I am very partial to a dollop of French’s.

      • Catherine October 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

        Add some tomato soup and some crisps and you have a perfect lunch quick lunch.

  2. Miss Whiplash October 31, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    Two words – PACKED LUNCH. That way, your sandwiches will ALWAYS be awesome 🙂
    People will be jealous 🙂

    • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

      People!! Did I not say this is for when I get caught out?! Seriously I usually bring my own lunch ha ha.

  3. Stuart October 31, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

    I worked monitoring trials for a while and ate many a hospital sandwich across the land and they are allmost all ming. Necessity is the mother of a crap lunch. Northampton did have a special sandwich though – fried beaded chicken. Sold right next to the Cardiac ward – nice!

    • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 2:42 pm #

      Pahahahahaha, loving the fried chicken sanger/cardiac ward combo.

    • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 2:43 pm #

      Also, I’ve worked in trials. Feel your pain.

      • Stuart November 1, 2012 at 7:26 am #

        Actually I used to visit Denmark Hill and I did try to bring my own food. London hospitals have some of the worst sandwiches at the highest prices. Wish I had known about the Viet cafe!

  4. Carly October 31, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    Lovely Sandwich Lady, if you work near to King’s College Hospital then you must be near the Viet Cafe, slightly further down Denmark Hill (a few shops down from Love Walk Cafe) – would ALWAYS recommend this place for when you don’t bring a packed lunch. They do lovely banh mis there (is that the plural of banh mi? I hope so) and I think they cost around £3. Also they seem to only be open 9-5 Monday-Friday, which is perfect for if you work nearby (less so if until you recently you worked full time in central but *lived* a mere 5 minutes away – such cruel irony. I made sure I paid a visit every time I had a day off. Luckily I’m a student now so I can TOTALLY go there like 3 times a week if I wanted).

    • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

      Yep, go there about once a week! When I said strapped for time, I really meant it 😉

    • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

      I actually have a post written about them too.

      • Carly October 31, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

        Ah I see. My bad, is it on here? I can’t seem to find it. Would be interested to see what you think of them!

      • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

        No no, not bad at all! Just wanted to let you know I am an avid appreciator of the Viet Cafe. We still can’t stop calling it Cafe Bay. No I haven’t posted it yet – will get on it very soon!

      • Carly October 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm #

        Ah yes, I keep seeing it called Cafe Bay on the internet – I’ve only been in Camberwell for a year, so I’m a bit of a newbie. My boyfriend and I look forward to your review! 🙂

      • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

        Camberwell is really getting good now! F M Mangal, Silk Road. The latter being one of my favourite restaurants EVER.

  5. Carly October 31, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    Don’t. Even. Get. Me. Started. We’ve converted maybe 20 of our non-Camberwell friends so far. They don’t even come to Camberwell to see us anymore, they just go for Silk Road. If I never ate anything other than lamb skewers and home-style aubergine again, I’d be happy. Need to try F M Mangal, I’ve been past it so many times and never gone in!

  6. The SW Food Blog October 31, 2012 at 4:28 pm #

    Douse that thing in chilli. I don’t want to see it ever again.

  7. Su-Lin October 31, 2012 at 5:54 pm #

    Ugh, this looks like all the sandwiches offered by my college. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh, I hate them all.

  8. urbangrazing October 31, 2012 at 8:13 pm #

    Sorry to hear about your lunch! Please try http://www.urbangrazingglobal.co.uk
    We would really like to try and win back your confidence in ready made sandwiches.

    • londonreviewofsandwiches October 31, 2012 at 8:14 pm #

      Ooh bold claims! Where can I buy one?

    • Jen October 31, 2012 at 9:44 pm #

      Nice! Product reviews invited by the manufacturer/prepare-er… i’m intrigued to see what comes from this.

      I also hate sandwiches of this nature – it’s why i refuse to buy sliced bread. I have found some joy with M&S and Sainsbury ready-made sandwiches, but only the fancy ones.

      • Dave November 2, 2012 at 6:49 pm #

        I’d just like to point out that this ‘Yorkshire ham’ is in no way representative of the pig products we have in Yorkshire.

        And that hospital canteen curries are often the way to go. Like 1980’s Mum’s homemade curries. Strangely satisfying. Sadly all the hospitals in London have outsourced their food to massive shit catering firms so you’re unlikely to even have this dubious pleasure available.

      • londonreviewofsandwiches November 3, 2012 at 11:35 am #

        Sad isn’t it. I agree on the guilty pleasure of the crappy curry.

  9. ash333 December 3, 2013 at 1:16 pm #

    Once when desperate, alone and hungry I bought a sandwich from a corner shop in Coventry that the packaging claimed was ham and cheese salad. When I opened it up I found that just beneath the salad, that looked as if it was grown, abused and, after many years released from Fritzel’s basement, one half of the sandwich was cheese and the other half ham. I was literally eating a legal loophole.. Hanging’s too good for them

    • londonreviewofsandwiches December 3, 2013 at 1:26 pm #

      Sorry but I’m laughing out loud. That is amazing.

      • ash333 December 4, 2013 at 8:47 am #

        I became pretty militant from that day on.. Love your site by the way

      • londonreviewofsandwiches December 4, 2013 at 10:44 am #

        And with good cause! Ha ha. And thanks, dead chuffed you like it.

  10. Alex June 27, 2015 at 9:38 pm #

    Kings college hospital 26 th June 2015.
    Being a fussy old bag ,who likes the simple things in life like a plain cheese sandwich or a ham sandwich , neither of which I could find I chose the 2cheese and mayo on malted bread.. Plain and simple (ish) … After attacking the wrapper I opened a sandwich to find the food I expected in there as well as spinach and brown pickle !!!!!! WHY for gods sake ?????
    My sister chose the chicken and bacon sandwich , she said the bacon was so finally diced that the flavour of mayo took over and she never did find any chicken..

  11. Whistleblower March 18, 2016 at 12:18 am #

    I was recently Suspended, Banned and than sacked for reporting out of date food in the same Hospital…..they destroyed evidence…(but i had taken pictures before I called the Hospital Auditors) ….in their statements during investigation they said that I had planted all the food in the ward kitchen.

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