Hot Dog at IKEA, Croydon

2 Dec

LOCATION: IKEA, Valley Park, Croydon, CR0 4UZ [map].

PRICE: 60p.

BREAD: White hot dog bun.

FILLING: Hot dog sausage, ketchup, sweet mustard.

PROS: These hot dogs cost 60p. You can’t buy them in the normal cafe bit of IKEA, only from a counter at the end. They represent salvation at the close of what is, generally, a traumatic experience. I once cried in IKEA.

There’s a bit of snap to the sausage; not a lot, but it’s there. It also boasts an amusing shape; particularly the pinched bit at the end which I couldn’t actually eat because well…use your imagination. The dog is plucked from its water bath and into your flat pack pumelled hands within seconds; then it’s time for you to navigate towards the Maccy D’s style DIY sauce area where you do some kick ass silly self-saucing. I’m still working on writing my name.

CONS: Okay so it’s definitely 100% mystery meat. It has that unmistakable honk. I’m down with that but you might not be. Think about it though…it costs 60p. It hits a spot, albeit the spot is small. I’d like onions but hey…did I mention that it costs 60p? IKEA is stressful and the meatballs are overrated so here’s what you need to do: when you get to the checkout, get someone to grab you a beer from the shop, down it (two if it’s a Saturday), breeze through the payment trauma slightly inebriated, then hoof down a hotdog or like, five. It doesn’t matter, they only cost 60p.

SCORE: 4/10

13 Responses to “Hot Dog at IKEA, Croydon”

  1. Ian Goodrick December 2, 2012 at 6:28 pm #

    No trip to Ikea is complete without a hot dog at the checkout. In fact I think once I went and missed out the maze that is the IKEA experience and went straight in the exit doors and had a hot dog.

    David Byrne has an interesting take on the whole IKEA experience.

  2. Gene December 2, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

    I always say that Ikea is Dante’s ninth circle of Hell. Great technique with the condiments! This obviously isn’t your first time manning the sauce pumps. I probably won’t partake of Ikea’s mystery meat hotdog anytime soon I’m afraid, because if I’m that close to actually escaping, I’m going to make a break for it and not look back.

  3. Keen on Food December 3, 2012 at 1:43 am #

    cost isn’t everything, you know. Imagine what else you could buy in Ikea with that extra 60p. At least one back-scratcher and another storage container of some shape or form..

  4. Paul Bowler December 3, 2012 at 12:17 pm #

    I don’t know what’s worst with the IKEA Croydon experience. The store itself or the hellish journey there (particularly via bus). I always have the hotdog too. Also the meatballs and the Daim cake and endless coke. Just anything to avoid going into that shop

  5. Catherine December 3, 2012 at 3:20 pm #

    If in a hurry I grab the hotdog. If not I go to the restaurant. I like the endless refills of tea available if feeling skint.

  6. Simon December 4, 2012 at 10:46 am #

    I like your till strategy. I usually bookend my IKEA visits with hotdogs.

  7. beachhutcook December 4, 2012 at 11:59 am #

    I love how you write. My only problem is I do tend to read your posts with a smile on my face which really shows everyone else in the area that I’m actually not working. Damn you/like you x

  8. Su-Lin December 4, 2012 at 12:39 pm #

    I’m a sucker for the food at Ikea. But I love the food shop. I love their ketchup and their mustard. And their crispy fried onions.

  9. Chris January 6, 2013 at 10:54 am #

    Things that would survive Armageddon. Cockroaches, Cher and Ikea Hotdogs.

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