Jalapeño Cheese Pretzel Dog at Auntie Anne’s, Hammersmith

16 Aug

LOCATION: Broadway Shopping Centre, Hammersmith Broadway, W6 9YA [map]

PRICE: A few quid. No prices on the website. Yes I know I should be writing it down.

BREAD: Pretzel, topped with cheese and jalapeños.

FILLING: Hot dog.

PROS: I’m not proud of this, okay? I don’t even think this qualifies as a sandwich actually but bloody hell, I need some closure so here we are.  The main point to get across is that I’m not proud, though.  I’m the opposite of proud, you hear me? I feel ashamed. Soiled. Dirty. I learned about this terrible creation from a mate who shall remain nameless. It is, apparently, a favourite late night snack of his, and I can tell you right away that this is certainly in that category – I’d say only in that category in fact. Ever. This, this, this…THING. In order to eat this, one should be inebriated – no doubt about that. I am indeed the queen of guilty pleasure and this was almost too much for even me; a proper lock ’em up and throw away the key sinner.

So obviously I ate all of it.

CONS: The meat is beyond ‘mystery’. I include a close up below. I know. Again, I’m so ashamed.

At first I thought it must be deep fried but with hindsight I think it was baked; I don’t want to be rude about the people that served it to me but, well, I’m not sure there was a vat of extremely hot oil behind that counter, you know what I mean? Man, was this thing greasy. I don’t mind that when I’m drunk, really I don’t. I don’t mind the fact that it’s a dog wrapped in dough with cheese on it. It’s a fat laden calorie bomb of disgusting proportions. No problem. No, the issue here is the meat. It’s hard to go back once you’ve seen one of those blenders full of pink slurry, you know what I mean? The images, they haunt.

It’s good to also know that the nutritional facts about this monster are published on the internet for all to see HERE. Oh, happy, happy joy. You know what, though? I thought it would be worse. I was genuinely pleasantly surprised when I saw those vital statistics, which says a lot about the way I treat my stomach.

SCORE: 2/10

12 Responses to “Jalapeño Cheese Pretzel Dog at Auntie Anne’s, Hammersmith”

  1. Jess August 16, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    Those stats. Must be lies. Surely. Because if they are not then WHAT THE HELL ELSE IS IN THERE

    • londonreviewofsandwiches August 16, 2013 at 1:14 pm #

      I KNOW

      • Stinstin October 3, 2013 at 10:07 pm #

        If that calorie count is accurate then I really worry about how much actual meat was in the hotdog!

      • londonreviewofsandwiches October 4, 2013 at 9:21 am #

        Goodness knows what was in it. Seriously.

  2. hollowlegs August 16, 2013 at 2:18 pm #

    It’s made me crave a hotdog now in all it’s filthy glory.

    (I sometimes buy those frankfurters in brine in a jar and then eat them cold. Yep.)

    • londonreviewofsandwiches August 16, 2013 at 3:09 pm #

      Yeah I’ve got a soft spot for those too. We are filth bags! There was something different about this meat…it’s hard to describe. Really spongy with lots of holes.

  3. Maria August 18, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

    Living in Texas, I thought I’d seen it all but oh no – there’s nothing like this Jalapeño Cheese Pretzel Dog – Wow! *slack-jawed expression*

  4. Frank H-S August 19, 2013 at 10:01 am #

    It’s that bubbly texture that creeps me out a bit. What is the gas filled in those holes? I think it is probably 100% burp flavour.

  5. Kirsten November 11, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

    There’s nothing wrong with pink slurry per se – aren’t we all supposed to be using the whole animal, no waste?

    The problem is it’s usually factory farmed creatures that get sandblasted to mush, and the other stuff added to the dead meat.

    Although in typical Daily Fail fashion this ‘YOU WILL NEVER EAT A HOTDOG AGAIN!’ article goes on to explain that out of the HORRIFYING list of ingredients, most actually have no proven health risks. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2175655/So-really-ingredients-really-sausage-Read-eat-frankfurter-again.html

    Don’t really know what I’m arguing here, other than this little beauty is probably ok in moderation, and you’re probably doing more damage with the booze you need to drown yourself in before facing it. My main argument against it would be that ain’t no happy chook or piggy that’s gambolled around in freedom before being blasted to mush and turned into a rubbery pink phallus.

    • londonreviewofsandwiches November 11, 2013 at 1:27 pm #

      Can’t argue with any of that! I guess I meant really the pink slurry and everything that comes with it, meaning of course the poor welfare standards too. Rubbery pink phallus. YUM!

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