Archive | August, 2014

Bokit at Bokit’La, Oval Farmers’ Market

29 Aug

Salt fish Bokit

Salt fish bokit (sorry, I couldn’t wait to eat it)

LOCATION: Oval Farmers’ Market, St. Mark’s Church, 337 Kennington Park Road, SE11 4PW [map]

PRICE: A fiver, I think.

BREAD: A sort of fried pitta-style pocket bread.

FILLING: I tried both the aubergine with lettuce, avocado and hot sauce, and the salt fish with lettuce, avocado and hot sauce.

PROS: Where to start? I shall break it down into three glorious parts.

1) I hadn’t heard of this sandwich before last Saturday, and I was slightly ashamed/unsettled by the thrill it gave me to discover some fresh meat on the scene. I imagine it won’t surprise you to learn that this is the only bokit stall in London, and so we should firstly rejoice at the fact it is something new and interesting that is not just meat in a bun.

2) The bokit, in case you don’t know (ahem), is sold as street food in Guadeloupe. Small balls of dough are rolled out, deep fried, split and stuffed with a variety of fillings. Bokit’La offer chicken, aubergine, or salt fish. I tried the latter two, both topped with avocado (this is extra, recommended) and hot sauce (this is essential). Both awesome, but if I had to choose just one I think it would be the aubergine due to its almost explicit silkiness. And the sauce! It is made from scotch bonnets and comes in four heat levels. I, uncharacteristically, chose medium; next time I’ll go for hot. They pack all the flavour of the chilli, plus a whack of garlic, plus THEIR MUM MAKES THEM. Or the mother of one of them. I’m not sure these people are related. I’ll get to that in a minute.

3) Ladies! Gays! Listen the fuck up, right now, because these three men are BUFF. I am not kidding. Check out the evidence below. They bonded over their mutual love for swimming, apparently, and I’m talking serious swimming here, not a couple of lengths on a Monday afternoon when it’s quiet. Again, I point you towards the pictorial evidence. They’ve got the look, they’ve got the music, they’ve got the sandwiches. I’m not entirely sure what else you could want, save them being licensed.

Bokit'La

CONS: Despite the fact that the sandwiches are mega tasty, I did, to be fair, give them an extra point for being muscly. I don’t think they’ve quite hit the giddy heights of an LROS 10/10 just yet.

SCORE: 9/10

Sadly their website is down but you can stalk them on Twitter and Facebook.

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Holy Burger at Ham Holy Burger, Oxford Street

15 Aug

Ham Holy Burger
LOCATION: 3rd floor, John Lewis, 278-306 Oxford Street, London W1A 1EX [map]

PRICE: £8.95.

BREAD: Un-seeded burger bun.

FILLING: Piedmont beef burger, tomatoes, cucumber, lettuce, red onion, holy sauce.

PROS: Meh, I dunno, sometimes I tie myself in knots with my own format, here. I’m just going to whack it all under the cons, which to be fair, isn’t that far off anyway.

CONS: Ham Holy burger is full of really irritatingly bouncy, cheery staff, presumably because they don’t need to do a great deal. When I arrive, a woman at the door screeches at me “whaddya want?! PIZZA? PASTA? BURGER?” to which I reply “burger! Burger! Burger!” in the manner of someone trying to calm a person who is having a panic attack, and she ushers me towards Ham Holy Burger.

All the food is ordered on an Ipad. What? What’s that? Yes yes, I said everything is ordered on an Ipad. It’s saving staff costs and is more efficient, you see. PAHAHAHAHAHA. Just kidding on the last part. A very young, very enthusiastic Italian man is telling me how to use said Ipad. This takes a while. The obvious thought occurs to me: it would have been much quicker if he could just take my order. “Can I have a glass of Chianti please?!” I blurt out, desperately, confused by the fact I have been sat at this table for a while, talking to a waiter, yet he hasn’t offered me a drink. At this point, he turns his head from the Ipad to face me, bares his teeth in a sort of dazzling, threatening smile, and says ‘”OOOOH!” as if I have just suggested we have a threesome with one of the waitresses. He then stabs at the Ipad and someone else brings the Chianti, which is grim.

The Holy Burger is made from Piedmontese beef, which is criminally under seasoned. Perhaps because I am so discombobulated by the whole experience, I forget my Maldon pinch pot nestled in my handbag, but obviously I shouldn’t need it. Bun = fine. Lettuce = fine. Onions = fine. Tomato = fine. Cucumber = weird. Usually, of course, they’re pickled, but in this case thick slices of plain old cuke bring a sort of odd freshness, like I’m supposed to be eating a lamb pitta with tzatziki. The ‘Holy Sauce’ is rather nice actually, but there isn’t enough of it to bring the richness and pickle flavour that the burger so desperately needs.

As our hearts slowly sink and we contemplate asking (an actual person) if we can have the bill, my mate decides to take revenge. I snap a picture of him on the Ipad which he sets as the wallpaper and home screen, before password protecting the Ipad so they can’t change it back. We walk away, chuckling, and head straight around the corner to MeatLiquor.

SCORE: 3/10